The Following is a Crude Post...

...don't say I didn't warn you!

Nathan is completely housebroken. No, seriously, that is the word I was looking for.

We've been attempting to 'potty train' Nathan, who is completely disinterested and rather stubborn. Sure, he gets the concept. He understands the expectations. He just doesn't really care that much. We've tried a lot of things: sticker charts, cheerios in the toilet (this leaves Nia completely distraught), rewards, having Nathan run in the nude, pull ups, big boy underwear, a special little potty, a big potty insert that is Cars themed, etc. We've got the equipment. But, it is all to no avail.

Well, not exactly to no avail. It has been painstaking, grueling, and messy, but we have been making progress. Nathan was getting rewards for his 'firsts.' The first time he urinated in the potty. The first time he defecated. We worked up in what we deemed to be achievable increments of responsibility. For the past couple days we've been working on going a full day accident-free. We assured Nathan he would be well rewarded if he could reach this milestone.

And so it was, that last night, late, I called up to Chili's and asked to speak with a manager. Nick answered the phone.

"Well, we've had an accident-free day...sort of," I say.

"Oh?" Nick responds.

"Nathan is officially housebroken."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that all day today Nathan has been sneaking out to the fenced back yard to use the restroom. He hasn't used an actual toilet at all today!" (Nick is laughing, which I find ironic, since I'm in a sort of worked-up-because-surely-my-child-cannot-really-be-doing-this state of mind. I'm thinking to myself, "Good Dog" but said in the same manner one might say "Good grief!") "He strips completely down and then goes to the bathroom outside! I asked him what he was doing and he said..."

"...he was trying to be like Baldwin!" Nick finishes the thought for me. He's still laughing. I'm on the verge of tears.

This isn't acceptable, I think to myself. They won't excuse him from kindergarten to take a potty break on the playground. What will they say in Children's Church?

Nick says, "It works for me. I'll swing by Walmart and grab him a reward."

I suppose this makes sense. I mean, we have experience with housebreaking. Potty training, not so much. I tell myself that this is a phase and it won't last forever. I tell myself that at least Nathan is striving to stay dry. I tell myself that this could just be considered a step in the right direction. I tell myself that I never imagined I'd be telling myself these very things. I tell myself that some MD's say that most boys aren't really ready to potty train until 3 yrs and 8 months. I tell myself these things, but I'm not sure I believe myself.

So, Nathan is housebroken. And, I guess we've decided to accept that for now.

Yes, that's right. Now when Nathan comes racing back into the house, boasting about his 'success' in the back yard, I'll simply hand him a small piece of bratwurst, pat him on the head, and say, "good boy."