04/12/2007

Many times I've heard people praying that Jesus would return soon. I was thinking about that today. This afternoon Nick took Nathan out for a while so I could have some time to myself. Perhaps the greatest thing about silence is that it opens the door for free thought. Anyway, I was picking up around the house, doing some laundry, and deciding what to fix for dinner when I realized something: I wouldn't choose to have Jesus come today. There have been times in my past where I have wished that He would come. There have been times where I have longed for a permanent reprieve from the challenges of human life. But what a blessed thing to have times like these where 'all is well.'

I don't mean to hint that life has become a utopia. That would be far from the truth. I still have bad days (refer to yesterday's blog). The laundry still piles up. I still suffer from bouts with my OCD. Nathan still gets on my nerves. My Grandfather is still dying. In spite of it all, and for reasons I don't entirely understand, in this moment--albeit full of imperfection--my mind is singing "It is well with my soul." I believe in Jesus and want His plan for redemption to be fulfilled....just not today. Today I want to love more, live more, and be more. I want to kiss Nathan before bed. I want to look at his sleepy blue eyes one more time. I want to scold Hobbs for stealing food off the table and then reward him by sharing the rest of my piece of pizza. I want to curl up next to Nick in bed and poke him when he snores. They are little things that life is comprised of and that make life so worthwhile. But maybe tomorrow I will wish Jesus would return.

Life can change drastically and in the blink of an eye. Look at Job's life. He went from having literally everything to having absolutely nothing. It wasn't just material posessions that Job lost. He lost everyone he loved. Was God still good? Of course. Was Job at peace...I don't know. I don't know how he felt. I know he was willing to go through hard times if that is what God willed, but I don't imagine he looked forward to it. Or, perhaps Jesus was the perfect example. He had a really good day: Crowds gathered to meet Him. They waved palm branches and cheered His name. They honored Him. But before the palm branches had a chance to wither and blow away, those same people were condemning Him to death. Jesus was submissive to the will of His Father, but He asked that the 'cup be taken from Him.' So tomorrow, if everything is lost and I am praying, once again, that Jesus would come soon, that will be okay. My prayer today, however, is that if tomorrow comes and brings with it trouble that I wish I didn't have to bear, that even then I would choose to bow to the will of my Father.

"Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, It is well with my soul"."

My Great Grandma Durling, who lived to be 106 and had seen her fair share of heartache would say this: "There are two kinds of pain--the bearable and the unbearable--and you have to bear them both." I have a legacy rich in men and women of faith who lived real lives. Sometimes Christians can be 'fair weather fans', but I have been blessed to intimately know some Christians who have sat in the stands and cheered for Jesus even during thunderstorms. Their testimonies are far greater than those who ebb and flow in their walk with Christ. Many of them had simple faith (a kind of faith that I don't have...I'm not inclined toward childlike faith...I just wish I were). But simple faith can be strong faith and is not always without conviction. My boys are just coming up the stairs...arriving back home. I'm praying I set a Godly example for my little man.