08/13/2007

A cure for the common pregnancy. Everyone has a remedy to suggest that worked for their sister, a good friend, or (rarely, it seems) themselves. "When are you due?" they ask. No sooner does my answer reach their ears then they are ready...set...off! on their story of labor-induction success! I get the feeling they care less about when I'm due and more about sharing their brilliant technique. I listen patiently to suggestion after suggestion, creating a mental card catalogue of ideas under headings such as "Disgusting," "Dangerous," "Tried it and failed," or "I'd rather be permanently pregnant."

Castor oil is a popular suggestion. Just down a gallon or two of the stuff and that baby will surely come. No one mentions the part about everything else coming out, too. This, unfortunately, falls in the "tried it and failed" compartment. Mind you, I haven't tried it this pregnancy, I tried it with Nathan. That was back in the days when I naively followed advice given from well-meaning but under informed women. Perhaps, occasionally, the birth of a baby coincides with the ingestion of castor oil, but more likely than not, the primary result is diarrhea. Please don't sign me up.

Walking is another suggestion. People suggest this because it's totally harmless and, if it doesn't work, at least I've gained some leg muscle and cardio strength. Nick is a fan of this method primarily because it does result in pain and contractions. However, it also results in curvature of the spine, shin splints, and an unending need to use the bathroom. Still, no baby, though!

I've heard that raspberry leaf tea is a good suggestion. Nick kindly purchased a $32.00 pound of raspberry tea for my use. It is delicious (at least when enough sugar is added), but in terms of jump-starting labor....maybe I need to brew and drink the entire pound??

Some of the other popular suggestions have included pineapple, spicy food, eggplant parmesan, squatting (for how long, I wonder?), bumpy car rides, trips in elevators (my gynecologist is on the third floor of her building and I pray the elevator will work wonders every time I take it), and kart wheels (OK, just kidding). Nick occasionally tries to talk the baby out..."the weather up here is wonderful! I think you'll like your room. We have a meow-meow." He says all these things in a sweet voice. I figured all that sweet talking was putting her to sleep. I tried the drill-sergeant approach and simply demanded she come out this instant. That didn't work either. I apologized for using such an angry tone.

So, I guess it will be walking again tonight. You'll be receiving phone calls shortly if it works.