08/20/2007

At bedtime, after I tuck Nathan in, he regularly calls out, "Mom, don't go. Come back. Don't go." This particular scene, replayed day after day, never fails to leave me on the verge of becoming a basket case.

"Mom, don't go. Come back. Don't go."

In the next couple of months we will be celebrating birthdays. One week from today marks Nia's first year with us. Nathan turns three in October. And on an unknown date, our third child will celebrate his/her literal birth day. Kids look forward to birthdays: presents, cake, ado! Moms look backward on birthdays: memories, years, moments. Here are just some of those memories:

Nathan laying with me in bed (my bed!) and sharing stories. "Once upon a time..." he starts. My stories always begin this way. "Once upon a time Daddy and Nathan and Shamu went to the waters and Shamu goes down....down...down...and Daddy gets Shamu and Nathan goes running sooooo fast and...." When he pauses I say, "Wow!" He says, "Silly, right?"

Nia Madelynn learning to stick her tongue out. I stick mine out. She sticks hers out just a little. I laugh at her and she figures she's succeeded! I move my tongue from one side of my mouth to the other. She pushes her tongue out and then pulls it in again--chameleon like. The game continues.

Nathan explaining thunder to me. "It's boom-booms. Clouds make boom-booms."

Nia rocking with me when she's exhausted. She likes to look up at me, touching my face, as we rock. She fights to stay awake, but her eyelids are so heavy.

Nathan scolding Nicolas. Nick tosses a ball in the house. Nathan does a Mom-impression. "Dad, no throwing the ball! Rollllll the ball." Or, another classic: Nick asks Nathan to do something (pick up his cars, get ready for bed, etc.) Nathan hops on his tricycle and says, "No, Dad. I can't. I go work now."

None of this is extraordinary. I mean, I think it is extra-special because they are my kids...but these are all just typical kid-isms. But I don't want to lose these moments. I don't want to move beyond them. I don't (and do) want my kids to become sophisticated, grown-up, mature. So for once, I ape Nathan:

"Nathan, don't go. Come back. Don't go."

But who can win this battle against time? An excerpt from a favorite author of mine (Max Lucado):

"Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will press on. It's OK to stumble...I will get up. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

Today I will make a difference."